


please forgive me (i can't stop loving you)

by jilixcore



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: ?? - Freeform, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bang Chan & Han Jisung | Han & Seo Changbin are Best Friends, Bang Chan & Han Jisung | Han are Best Friends, Bang Chan is Bad at Feelings, Bang Chan is Whipped, Break Up, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Han Jisung | Han & Lee Minho | Lee Know are Best Friends, Han Jisung | Han Is Bad at Feelings, Han Jisung | Han is Whipped, M/M, Open to Interpretation, Post-Break Up, Sad Bang Chan, Sad Ending, Sad Han Jisung | Han, Seo Changbin Just Wants What's Good For his Friends, Seo Changbin is a Good Friend, Unrequited Love, i mean they didnt get back together, no beta we die like men, oops spoiler, past chanlix - Freeform, that should be a tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 13:40:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28654374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jilixcore/pseuds/jilixcore
Summary: "Ji, how do you cope with it?" Chan continued, staring straight ahead at the wall infront of him. Jisung dropped down his chopstick at his container and gave him a small smile, "Cope with what, hyung?""You know what, Sung.""Hyungie," Jisung scoffed. "It's been two years. Shouldn't you be over him already?"Changbin smiled, kicking Jisung's foot lightly. "We could say the same for you, no? You've been pining over Minho hyung for years."Or Jisung is in love with Minho and Chan still loves Felix. Faith is funny and Minho and Felix are happy together.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Lee Felix/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 4
Kudos: 72





	please forgive me (i can't stop loving you)

**Author's Note:**

> not beta we die like chanlix and minsung's relationship here 
> 
> also fucking bryan adams man he kept hurting me i hate this ??? anyways, tmi time but i just found out my partner is cheating on me so im just pouring whatever the fuck im feeling here dont mind me 
> 
> theres no parentheses here which is the first time IN MY FICS OMG but theres a lot of used of italics tho haha ,,
> 
> lyrics from, well, Please Forgive Me by bryan adams THE LYRICS HURT SM
> 
> scream at me on twt (@LWTJILIX)

"Ji," Chan calls out, making the younger boy look up at him, hands stopped midway from where he was about to take a bite out of the fried chicken they ordered. "Ji, how do you cope with it?" Chan continued, staring straight ahead at the wall infront of him. Changbin coughed before he continued eating, shooting Chan an apologetic look. Jisung dropped down his chopstick at his container and gave him a small smile, "Cope with what, hyung?"

"You know what, Sung."

"Hyungie," Jisung scoffed. "It's been two years. Shouldn't you be over him already?"

Changbin smiled, kicking Jisung's foot lightly. "We could say the same for you, no? You've been pining over Minho hyung _for years_." Chan smiled at the way Jisung pouted, the quiet night in the studio perfectly aligning with his mood. It was peaceful, yet something just seems to be missing. And Chan knows what it is. And he misses it too.

There's a beat of silence. "To be honest," Jisung whispered and brought up his legs to his chest, resting his chin on top of his knees. "I don't know. There's a difference between us, Chan hyung, I guess? You've been with Felix while I've never been with Minho hyung."

"Yeah, I know." Chan furrowed his brows. "So, how do you do it? Isn't it painful?"

"To see hyung happy with someone he loves? God, no." Jisung giggled, albeit his eyes are already getting wet like it always does whenever _this_ topic comes on. "It's cliché, I know. I guess I just..came to accept the fact that I'm fine simply being in love with him. That that itself is such a great feeling already, because it _is_ Minho hyung I'm in love with." Jisung picked up his forgotten food and took a bite out of it. "But you know, at the same time, I guess it's painful too. I'm happy that he's happy, genuinely. But there's also always the lingering thought in the back of my mind that he's happy but it's not because of me, you know?"

Chan sighed, the image of Felix's post coming back to his mind. He looks so, _so_ happy, and he thinks he can slightly understand what Jisung means. "I don't get how you do it." Changbin muttered. "Doesn't it kill you?"

"Mhm, I feel like my heart's being stabbed by hundreds of knives every time I see him staring at Felix, because it's like looking at myself whenever I'm looking at Minho hyung. Does that count?" Jisung laughed half heartedly, although they all know he's hurting so much inside, given the many times Jisung busted through their doors late at night, sobbing his heart out whenever the pain is just _too much_.

Chan looked around the small space they're in. He loves this studio. It's what keeps him alive, where his passion lays. The reason why he met all these amazing people and his best friends. But there's a lot of painful memories to count too. "I hate this studio." Chan voiced out. Changbin seems to catch up, smiling. "No, you don't." His voice drops down into almost a whisper. I'm sorry, hyung, but just exactly how did you and Felix broke up anyways?"

Changbin looked anxious so Chan quickly flashed him a small smile to ease his nerves before answering. "Felix and I broke up in this studio. Which is also the reason _why_ we broke up." At their raised eyebrows, Chan continued. "I kinda.. neglected our relationship, I guess? I've been too busy working that I didn't notice Felix was already slipping out of my grasp."

"I guess I should've seen it coming. When Felix stopped welcoming me the moment I step foot in our shared apartment back then, which, he _always_ did, no matter how tired he was and it’s something I look forward to when I’m going home, even until now. Or when he stopped greeting me with his grin or throwing himself at me whenever he sees me. Felix just stopped being _Felix_ around me. And I feel bad that I made him go through that. I've worked too hard and I think Felix misunderstood what my priorities really are. But I can't blame him, I didn't take care of him the way he deserves to be so I get why he felt that way. I just wish he'd know how much he really means to me." Chan smiled at Jisung. "But I think I get what you're saying. I've seen him around Minho. And it does hurt, seeing Felix smiling at him twice as wide than he ever did when we were together. But I'm glad Minho brought back the Felix that I lost."

"And I'm really happy about it too!" Jisung suddenly exclaimed. "I'm really happy that Minho hyung fell in love with Lixie, cause, well.. he's Lixie. I know hyung's in good hands already." Jisung's grin faltered, smiling his little shy smile instead. "I mean, at least Minho has a new person he can turn to. I'll still welcome him with an open arms when he needs me, of course. I'm his best friend before anything else. His needs before my unrequited feelings. I'm just not his.. _person_ anymore -his words, not mine!" Chan and Changbin laughed at that before Jisung finished. "But, I think I'm gonna learn to accept that too. That there's gonna be a time where I'm not what he needs to tell something about anymore."

Chan doesn't understand how Jisung can be so strong, or why he never acted out his feelings. Then again, this is Jisung they're talking about. He's the type that values his relationship with other people more than anything else and Jisung would try his best not to sabotage it. Chan knows how much the younger loves Minho, though. Because Jisung always say, _'What Jisung wants, Jisung gets!'_ And Jisung wants to make his hyung the happiest, willing to sacrifice his own rivaling wants to be with Minho. So as long as Minho is content with what they both have, then Jisung is too. Even if it's hard to accept, Jisung _will_ too. 

Their phone dinged and it was a notification from Instagram. Chan opened it, heart dropping when he did. It was a video of the subject of their topic, though, now posted by Minho. It was taken at night, judging by the dark background at the window on the back of the video. Minho was narrating about something and he set the camera down somewhere where it's pointing at Felix who was standing behind a kitchen counter with flour on his face. Minho went to join him and they goofed around for a few seconds before Minho wrapped his arms around the smaller boy and gave him a peck on the cheek, Felix giggling as he did so. Chan immediately swiped left before the video ended and he skimmed through the few more pictures that Minho posted. It's various of pictures like selfies of them together, Felix's selfies that he took on Minho's phone, stolen pictures of Felix when they're presumably out on dates, and the last one being Felix who was sleeping against Minho's chest.

Chan stared at it, debating whether or not he should screenshot the last one. He smiled and swiped away, leaving a comment before closing his phone.

It's just wrong. After seeing Felix that happy, it's wrong to keep him and Chan away from that. Chan loves him too much, he can let go for Felix. 

"You never know what you have until it's gone, huh?" Chan muttered, making the two boys look up from their phone, one of them with tears glistening his eyes. Chan chuckled, eyes stinging a little too. "No, I think I do know what I already had. I just didn't think that I'd ever lose it."

******

**lilinoring** happy anniversary, felix~ ❤️ here's to more years of waking up next to you which i truly love ㅋㅋ i love you so much little sunshine :) 

view all 112+ comments

 **jinniehyvnjin** yall cute or whateva 🙄 jk happy anniv!! also omg finally a picture thats not of your cat??? 

**yangimnie** @jinniehyvnjin or his weird filters ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

 **seungminnn** @jinniehyvnjin what do u mean 'not of your cat' felix IS his fourth cat

 **spearbin** those three above ㅋㅋ happy anniversary tho! when r we going out for a drink celebration 🚶

 **yaboyj.one** happy 1 year of being ultimate gay together!!!! 😎 wish i have what u have

 **chrisbang97** happy anniversary you two! cheers 🍾

 **feelixsu** @chrisbang97 thank you hyung :)

**Author's Note:**

> tbh i also just need an excuse to write minlix <3 minho is so soft for felix wbk his favourite are jisung and felix (and hyunjin)
> 
> I KINDA WANT TO MAKE ANOTHER VERSION OF THIS STORY WHERE THEYRE ALL GAY AND HAPPY AND BACK TOGETHER AGAIN AND JWHAT JISUNG WANTS JISUNG GETS SO HE AND MINHO R IN LOVE TOGETHER and i would when im already a little bit mentally stable 😎


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